#50 of Monkey Brain – Part II

I don’t know where to begin…

I feel defeated. I feel like this has happened before. I feel like “see I listened, and then this is what I get?”

This tells me … the world ain’t healthy, Dawg!

And… I need to keep fighting.

A kid died on Sunday. He took his own life. His step-dad (I presume) wrote and posted this heart-wrenching piece on Facebook that a family-member of mine shared that I ended up reading and being moved by.

So moved… that I wrote a “comment.”

Now, I am an INTJ. I know that it would have been the “smarter” and “safer” road to just read, possibly send a condolence to this fellow, and move on. But not only am a I an INTJ, I am a Guided Christian who is open to Creator (when some of my own peoples are not…) which have led me to become a Mother, a Wife of a MB Government Health Care Facility Employee, a Homemaker, a Volunteer Crisis Counsellor, a Nathanaelite, and many other titles. And taking those roles, especially Guided Christian, seriously, I have been guided to take a road that is far from “smart” or “safe.”

So I had to share the message that I was compelled to share.

http://klinic.mb.ca/in-person-counselling/suicide-postvention-education-awareness-and-knowledge-speak/ … because this “voice”

… whatever it is that I wrote (not gonna quote it, but if you want to read it, go do some investigating on Facebook).

I don’t know what else to write. I’ve kinda gotten lost in my head… because really…

all I wanted to do or was guided to do was to share my voice. And contrary to what an avatar wrote about there being “zero resources;” there ARE resources. Being open and receptive and respectful and hopeful and kind and not ready to push the responsibilities on someone else… are must-haves. Oh they can’t help me the way I expect to be helped… is not part of the solution… but really adds to the problem.

That adds and creates the mental illness, you know.

I didn’t mean for what I shared to be offensive. I didn’t mean for it to be taken with sarcasm. I was compelled to respond to “zero resources” and to send my real genuine prayers to another hurting family (which I must add, I really did pray for Gabriel during my evening prayer). It was definitely not meant to incite a response that implies me being “tone deaf” and hard of reading “if you read it carefully” [I’m not sure if those were your actual words (thinking emoji) and if you were actually and purposefully implying something not-kind]. I only meant to do His direction.

So let me share my “voice” again, as a Guided Christian, a Mother, a Wife of a MB Government Health Care Facility Employee, a Homemaker, a Volunteer Crisis Counsellor, and a Nathanaelite:





[(dove)(yellow heart)(smiley Sun)]


#44 of “Monkey Brain 2018”

I’m feeling a bit scattered. So… when that happens I turn to a number of my “unscattering self” tools; one of which is to write.

In this piece, I will try to “unscatter” myself by releasing my excess or undesirable monkey brain energy… so this Mom can get on with her day!

1. The later half of my day yesterday wasn’t very good. I was on this low…even though earlier on the day, it was the opposite.

2. I have a 7th birthday to plan and… I was overwhelmed by the idea of having to please people and not hurt anyone’s feelings by not inviting them or not sticking with tradition.

3. … I forgot.

I guess my brain’s already moved on to the AWESOME… such as:

A. Typically when I’m starting to travel on the Dark Road, it would take me maybe more than a week to realize I have to turn my car around. But… this time, it’s … I guess… a day.

B. For B – my first born. She got this idea to have a pool party and I think it’s gonna be fun. I am reminded why I went this way anyway and that is this: When I look back to my own 7th birthday party, I naturally remember getting my hair pulled back sooo tight into an updo that it hurt my face. I was a completely miserable kid… never really remembering who was there and what the whole hullabaloo was about… I do remember the food and I guess people were happy to be there. But me… I was pinched by my elders to keep a smile on my face that day! I say, quality over quantity and… what’s realistic over over-the-top when it comes to parties for me.

C. These new two apps I’ve been using for the past three weeks now have, I believe, contributed to my faster turn-around time. One has kept me keeping up with not the kardashians but good morning habits such as drinking water, exercising, and eating a good breakfast. The second app has helped me with my exercises.

D. Which brings me to this: I’ve kept up with my goal of running/walking/jogging/plogging for this month. I’m at 16.42 out of 50 KM. The big persons in our home have been able to keep up with our Lenten Intentions… really. We’ve passed our halfway mark. There’s been no social media for one and daily gym visits and no smoking. There’s been no smoking and no asshole-iness. There’s also been no wrath, no Spotify, and regular exercises.

E. The sun is brightly shining down on our newly-blanketed-in-white land.

Last night was dark, for me, and I almost accepted that I was “sick.” But this morning, God indicated to me “It’s all G” ๐Ÿ˜‰ and to give it to Him… For this Mommy Monkey Brain… sometimes I just forget.

So Dear Reader, it’s not too late to join in on the Time of Lenten Intentions. For the next 20 days, how will you go into the desert and fight the temptations as Jesus did? Or as Archbishop Gagnon had talked about this past Sunday, how will you “cleanse the temple”?

Unscattered. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Sh’ma Yisrael adonai eloheinu adonai echad.

โค Jen +:)


#42 of “Monkey Brain 2018”

For a person like myself, it really is a steep uphill climb.

How does a mother, wife and homemaker make sure (1) she’s got all of those home roles balanced, (2) make sure she’s fit and looking good, (3) make a living, and (4) do it all without jeopardizing her morals, beliefs and integrity?

To many that is an IMPOSSIBLE feat. You just cannot have it all.

I agree that I can’t have it all. That would be just so greedy of me. I can’t be present to all my “friends'” gatherings. Nor can I make it to my ever-growing family member’s celebrations. I can’t go to so and so’s outings. For us, our Home’s Department of Public Relations…has really felt our conservative cuts.

I do not however believe that the balance is NOT impossible. It takes Purpose, Discipline, Faith and continued learning (with the occasional break) to achieve the balance, maintain the balance and move forward to progression.

The reason I write this is this: I need to empty this Mommy Monkey Brain… seriously.

I just spent the last couple hours finishing up a 5-year calendar for our HOME’s Department of Finance. It’s somethin’ I tell you.

When I was making this, I had moments that made me feel anxious and sad. Why? I made boxes for every day for the next 5 years… and it crossed my mind that: (1) who knows if I’m gonna even see all these day? (2) one of these days will highly likely represent the end of life date for someone (or a few) who I know; and (3)…I forgot, lol.

I grew up with leaders who lived day by day by day by day. This resulted in awesome family trips and large and frequent family parties but…. regular late-bill payments or even no bill payments which led us to either having things cut off, taken away, or … having to move. That instability I cannot do for this part of the next generation that I’m responsible for leading. I just cannot!

So when I was drawing this 5-year calendar up… I really felt it was unchartered territories because my elders didn’t explicitly show me this… it was education and my life experience that did. It’s a new thing for me. Thus… a little nerve-wracking.

The other side of me though indicates that.. this is only good; focus on the good. This 5-year calendar will help me and my partner get a visual of when monies are leaving out of our home and when monies are coming in. As well, it gives me, the INTJ, a bigger picture than 30 days. (Oh how I love big pictures… it brings me meaning and thus understanding of purpose). In a way, this is a part of our Life Map.

Anyway, this Mommy Monkey brain is almost done expelling excess energy. I would like to leave you, Dear Reader, with a quote I had caught at the end of the movie Darkest Hour (2017):

churchill quote

Keep climbing.

โค Jen +:)



I was going through my feed and I came across a post from a profile I’ve been quite interested in.

I really liked how this guy’s profile presented his work upward. It really looked like he worked.

You see, I’m writing right now to let out the “nugget” I have that’s been blocking the free-flowingness of my spirit. It has something to do with this particular profile and his last post.

I haven’t commented in anything since I re-entered into the Realm of Social Media. But today when I saw that post, my heart almost jumped out of my chest (which has been an indication to me from THE Guide to do something).


When I was little, I remember getting that same feeling…heart beating so hard it felt like it was gonna come out of my body… that I revealed something really wrong that was happening in the “home” of my childhood. Following my beating heart led to a series of very scary changes that I, for a very long time, beat myself down for. Now that I’ve grown and am a parent (and still continue to flourish), I’ve come to this understanding that when my heart beats that hard, it’s God knocking; action must be taken and have faith that only Good comes.

So… when the knocking happened, I could not resist but open my heart’s door (who am I to deny a calling greater than I?).

It led me to do the following:
1. find model-in-question’s profile and unfollow
2. find guy’s profile and unfollow
3. comment on post that sparked my heart to knock: “๐Ÿ’ฌ misconstrued ๐Ÿค”; ya lost me on this one”

Explaining That Comment

As I said, I really liked this guy (even though I’ve never met him). I was thrilled when I noticed his new brand. I thought to myself, “YES! We need more of these messages!”

I saw a lady wearing one of his branded hats at our Church and I contemplated purchasing one for myself.

But today’s post gave me my answer.

Yes, I know, let me address it. You’re gonna think I’m a hater. You’re gonna conclude that I’m some miserable mother who’d love to be on the other side. Or you may think, I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

And to me that’s normal. I only challenge you to carefully examine why you’re feeling and thinking that way and really put some thought into what it is my knocking heart is trying to share with you.

Message to Profile Owner

The model you chose to advertise your brand is notorious for perpetuating the Sin of Lust. Think about it.

This tells me that the owner of this brand may have misconstrued the public’s (especially His serious followers) understanding of the word.

Or the owner is deliberately or hopefully unknowingly, mutilating the word that’s supposed to be associated with Virtue.

The issue here is not that I’m some Super-Righteous Know-It-All-who-seems-to-have-a-vendetta-against- appear-to-be-successful-Beings (coz I don’t and I’m not).. the issue is a matter of Principle & Integrity.

There are about over 100K minds/spirits who have the potential to see this image. Some are parents to children. Some are children.

Is it really good for the growing generation (as well as the generation who are parents to children) to receive the message that Sex-Sells & Sainthood go together?

Please help me believe y’all aren’t wolves in sheeps clothing… or that y’all are not false prophets. Please. ๐Ÿ˜ข


Sh’ma Yisarel adonai eloheinu adonai echad.




2018-02-01-00-38-14Prime Minister Justin Trudeau answering question at Town Hall in Winnipeg. (Jen Jay/smileyfacelife.com)

What an eye-opener… or more like a bottle-opener? (I’ll explain that further later…)

I attended the Justin Trudeau Town Hall Meeting held at the Max Bell Centre at the University of Manitoba this evening. I arrived at 5PM and waited 45 minutes to get to coat check in a line that went all the way to the hall where the Kinesiology Office is located.

Then there was a wait of an hour and a half before Mr. Trudeau came out.

In this piece, I am going to save you the details of the questions of those in attendance and the details of Justin Trudeau’s answers (you can refer to the various news outlets for that). What I will be focusing on is the type of questions that were asked and who it was asked by in attempts to give you a mental picture of who’s voices and concerns were heard today. I will end with my own conclusions and reflections about how this experience was an eye-opener and bottle-opener.


  1. Bullying & Workplace Bullying (specifically Canada Post) – asked by middle age, Caucasian, male
  2. Health, poverty, and something else (it was a convoluted question) – asked by older-middle aged, Caucasian, female
  3. Extinction of “native plants and animals” – asked by grade school, asian, male

(In the middle of Mr. Trudeau answering the third question, female appearing to be of First Nation background began yelling at Trudeau from the crowd… at which point Mr. Trudeau tried to calmly explain to her that he was answering a child’s question… to which she continued to yell… she exited… after police almost had to escort her out… crowd cheered.)

  1. Specific immigration question asking for help in uniting East Indian husband with East Indian wife in Canada – asked by East Indian Female in her mid 30s – mid 40s.
  2. Immigration question about being able to bring parents – asked by Middle Eastern Male in his 40s.
  3. Specific LGBTTQ question asking for help in stopping the deportation of an individual to Nigeria – asked by late 30s, Caucasian, female.
  4. Russia Hacking Systems – asked by 20-something, male, European/Metis in appearance, English-speaking
  5. Inquiry to Missing & Murdered Indigenous Girls and Women – asked by high school student female, appearing to be Metis
  6. Pardon for Cannabis Traffickers and thoughts about “Justin Truedope” – asked by late 20s to 30-something, Caucasian, Male
  7. Specific Child and Family Services question – asked by 30s something female, who immigrated to Canada in 2005 from Somalia
  8. Railway & Energy – asked by male, middle age, Caucasian
  9. Aid to Yemen – asked by late 20s to 30-something, male, Middle Eastern in appearance
  10. Transparency Act of MB Chiefs – asked by 50s – 60 something, Metis, female

(A first nations male interrupts and yells from his seat about Kinder Morgan… to which Justin Trudeau calmly answers)

  1. Kinder Morgan – asked by male, First Nation, late 30s – 40s.
  2. Tuition as a Grant – asked by male, 20s, French
  3. Animal services and First nation safety – asked by female late 20s early 30s Caucasian-in-appearance
  4. Marijuana and Youth Safety – asked by female, jr high or early high school, Caucasian
  5. Peacekeeping between North Korea and the US – asked by female, jr high or early high school, Caucasian
  6. Services for those living with visual impairments – asked by male, middle age, Caucasian, visually-impaired

(A 40-something-year-old lady of First Nation in appearance starts yelling from the audience about Canada Summer Jobs Grant to which Justin Trudeau tells her he will get to her question next…)

  1. Canada Summer Jobs Grant and Women’s Rights – asked by 40-something, female, First Nation in appearance.
  2. Running Canadian Gov’t in partnership with First Nations – asked by middle age, male, who served for Canada in the Military, First Nations in appearance
  3. Specific question about Hearing-Impaired Higher Education Tuition Support – asked by later middle age, Caucasian, male
  4. Canadian Child Rights and CFS – asked by female, teen, Caucasian


I made it a point to note the age, sex, and cultural appearance of the questioners because:


Apparently, this is supposed to represent a part of Canada’s population. And… because all these people were there and were chosen to speak on the microphone…






I’m a Full-Time Homemaker. I am part of the generation who’s parents immigrated to Canada in the late 80s. I AM CANADIAN… which to me, means: I am flavoured; I know and understand a bit about this culture and that culture. I behave a bit of that culture and this culture. I speak English with some influence from this culture and that culture. I can survive in the cold. And I have freedoms, rights and luxuries that many people from other developing countries only dream of having.

I also believe in BALANCE.

So when I say this experience was an eye-opener and bottle opener, I mean this:


My eye was opened to the vast diversity of what a Canadian looks like and sounds like and is troubled by.

This experience was a bottle-opener because ONE MUST OPEN A BOTTLE (and drink from it ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) to understand how all these voices can come AS ONE BALANCED CANADIAN!


Personally, I believe it starts with ONE SOURCE that we all can Understand, Love, and Trust. Next, one must be able to Understand, Love, and Trust ONE SELF. Then, he/she should try to Understand, Love, and Trust ONE ANOTHER. To follow, she/he must convey and teach Understanding, Love, and Trust to OUR YOUNG. Finally, one must Understand, Love and Trust OUR ENVIRONMENT.


So, I say, instead of seeking answers from Justin Trudeau to our problems, begin with GOD AND SELF.




Sh’ma Yisrael adonai eloheinu adonai echad.

โค Jen :)+




Before I go to bed I’d like to … hold on… I wanted to note the Scripture Readings for today, which is the 27th day of January in the year twenty-eighteen:

Luke 20.1-26

Gen 35-36

Ps 27

Jdt 4

If you are compelled to read them, PLEASE DO SO WITH OPENNESS. No point in reading scripture if Heart is hard and closed.


Going back to what I wanted to say before dozing off to sleepy-sleepy land… Dear Reader, understand sin entered our world before you, before your adversaries, before your adversaries’ adversaries. We’ve been all placed here because of God. We’ve all been given the gift of … ENJOYING THE FUCK OUT OF OUR DAYS HERE (that doesn’t mean for you to blow your paycheck ๐Ÿ˜‰ especially if you’ve got a beautiful growing family tree :)). Again, sin entered the world… not everyone understands this and not all days will allow you to ‘Enjoy the Fuck’ … and that’s okay, too… hang in there. Trust in the Flow of Life.


So let me leave you with this one:


Sh’ma Yisrael adonai eloheinu adonai echad.

โค Jen :)+

Let me let it out.

Hubby provided love to us, his nuclear family by…

…working last night, then cooking breakfast before going to bed.

Here I am…I got ready, watched the solar eclipse, worked on Kylah’s party stuff, prepped the kids’ lunch… only for the kids to come back to me to say they don’t like it; it’s too spicy.

As a parent, it’s fucking frustrating to do so much for someone else only to get…”oh, I don’t like it.”

Have I just wasted my time and energy? Do I accept their truth? Do I assert my own? As a parent, do I give up my own freedoms for the unsureness of this growing generation?

As I have done to my own parents (and seen from others), I know (not for sure) my kids will do it to me, too. So why keep going? Just take away all their choice…it’ll be much simpler.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but today, I got a touch of challenge in “feeding my family,” – sometimes they don’t like what you cook. What do you do? How do you react?

The upside to today – I was able to catch the solar eclipse on NASA TV ๐Ÿค“. One announcer called it “majestic,” I call it magical. A part of me wanted to call it scary but when I saw that “diamond ring” after the moon passed over the sun, I was moved to tears. I know if I was on a more elevated state, I would be sobbing ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

How I saw it was like this:

Humanity is moving towards darkness but we keep moving… slowly but surely, we keep moving…

In that movement, despite heading and living in darkness for a short while, little by little, light does come.

That “diamond ring” hits and YOU’RE STRONGLY ADVISED to protect your eyes, for that light is God, is STRONG, is MAJESTIC, is MAGICAL, is MOVING…

…and absolutely beautiful. ๐Ÿ˜š

The spectator just has to be awake to experience it. That’s all.

As it’s been taught to me:

“Don’t be caught sleeping”

at the Solar Eclipse, for you will miss the Beauty of God!